Category: Random thoughts

Stubborn me

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My cousin started to share about one  on  one discipleship it was twelve chapters back then, it is the basic essentials to following Christ, Which starts from Salvation. Lordship, Repentance and so on.

My cousin was a med student at that time, I still think that He would be a great theologian, His in-depth knowledge is good a reasoning, can speak really good to the point I don’t understand the depth of his communication skills, as if I perceive it as mathematics and all numbers coming out of his mouth.

We started with Chapter 1, followed by Lordship as next chapter after a week, but then my stubborn me and sarcastic nature towards my cousin starts to kick in, It took one month for the next chapter to be discuss, I felt force because I was unwilling to go through with it, after a couple of weeks before getting to another chapter he ask me What I understood about salvation, with brutal direct answer I said none, he was patient that he discuss it again with.

He would try to offer to discuss the next chapter but I would delaying tactics was on, I was either tired or just not now.

He was persistent in going through for the next chapter. I was challenging him every inch of his patience. We went through another chapter after a month again. This time I’ve butt in and ”said stop, I got the point”.  He continued explaining, out of nowhere to my annoyance. I said “you can continue speaking but my mind has stopped listening from you”. Me and my tongue. After a couple of weeks he asks me of what I understand about salvation, I said I don’t recall anything. Then he patiently shared the salvation topic the third time.

One thing for sure I commend my cousin; he didn’t gave up on me.  Jesus never gave up on us, He was simply faithful in loving us even if unfaithful.

Jesus is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I’m  forever thankful for my cousin.

  • Christ likeness.

Before leading others it requires Christ likeness and indeed I saw Jesus Christ in my cousin.  He was patient all through out, He saw me on the angle where our lord is coming  from.

  • God was dealing with me

I’ve accepted Jesus yet my actions seem opposite. It dawn on me that pride and ego had led me to my sarcastic disrespectful behavior. He was working in my heart even if I seem happy with my behavior.

  • Undeserving                                                                                                                                    

completely do not deserve this retaliation kindness, He was generous in very way, He was patient and completely passionate and forgiving. No matter how many times I would give him reasons not to disciples me, all the more he chase me.

In the same way it made me reflect Christ character, How love us, He endured embarrassment, humiliation, betrayal, torture, pain, and death, all be because of undeserving me(us)

We don’t deserve His patience, His love, but still he freely and willfully give it to us never giving up. That is who He is, that is his character.

Now who am Ito give up on others?

Hit by the preaching

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I went here in Manila in 2006 to find work; I stayed at my cousin’s place. I could remember he was so excited to invite me to the church he was attending, Victory  Ortigas.  My previous experience with a Christian church  made me hesitant about his invitation, but since I’m staying at his place for free I gave it a chance. At the back on my mind “do I really have a choice, he might just kick me out of his place, and I’m cornered”.

He brought me to the Friday night youth event, Thank God nobody called me in the stage and welcome me to the Spiritual family, which was my experience in a previous church, I was set up my friend, told me he is just to get something inside, he made me followed him inside and there was an ongoing event so I stayed at the far back of the crowd, then out of nowhere my name is being called to the stage and being welcome by the attendees. Oh boy what did my friend get me into and I was like What Duh? After the introduction and welcome I went back to back part near the door and left the place. That was some experience I can never forget.

Since I had this not so good experience my mind was expecting the same sort of happening but it was not. The preacher was cool and dropping jokes (Patrick Mercado), but really made sense. They didn’t have this part wherein visitors are called in front and be asked to introduce myself. I had fun and my perception change.

The next Friday, my cousin my was out on duty and I’m  alone at the apartment, I was bored and decided to attend the Friday youth, expecting to be entertained, I sat on the last row facing the stage. Same as the previous event the preacher drop sense-ful humor but this time the message was hitting me as if my heart is being squished. The preacher asks everyone to stand up and raise hand of those who would like to accept Jesus in their life. I was weeping like a baby while my knees were trembling. This was the moment I said alright from now you on you take control, I surrender, and I give you all my hatred, pains and life. I had back pain that day but as I raise my hands in acceptance, I felt an extraordinary heat that started at my lower back that spread into my entire back after that the pain was gone.

Whatever it was, I said to myself I’ll never let go of it. Jesus found me; this was the start of a new beginning.